Paintings that Defy Explanation: Artist Vanessa McKernan interprets the deepest, most quiet parts of the Psyche.
“Experience has taught me that I make the best work when I paint things I have no explanation for.”
- Vanessa McKernan
Please let us know who you are, what is your art form and how long have you been doing it for?
My name is Vanessa McKernan and I am a painter.
I didn’t start painting until my early 20’s during my undergrad at Concordia University.
What’s something that you’ve created that you are proud of or that you consider your biggest accomplishment.
Career wise, I have always felt like a bit of an underdog and then in 2020 and 2024 I received grants from the Elizabeth Greenshield Foundation. The EGF has historically supported some incredible figurative artists I have long admired, including Jenny Saville, Aubrey Levinthal and Corri-Lynn Tetz. The grant was more recognition than accomplishment, but it is definitely something I am proud of.
“Feeling good for me means that the painting is visually interesting and subject wise, retains a kind of mystery—like I don’t have a full understanding of the narrative.”
- Vanessa McKernan
Reverie, oil on canvas 72” x 72” photo credit Lawrence Cook
How do you access your creativity? Tell us a bit about your process.
My studio space is, in the truest sense, my gateway to creativity. It is quiet and I am alone which creates an opening for vulnerability and reflection. It is also surrounded by bush and areas where I garden. I will paint for a while and then go outside to weed, or pick fruit or something. So often there is overlap between these creative spaces. I left the city a few years ago to have access to a more holistic creative life and it has been such a healthy change for me.
My actual painting process is fairly intuitive. Playing with washes of color and loose line is usually the foundation of a composition and then I like to pull references from lots of different sources into a painting and wait for a narrative to emerge. I think about the process of creation as a kind of conversation whereby the painting is revealing itself to me rather than me being the “creator”, dictating all the terms.
“I will paint for a while and then go outside to weed, or pick fruit or something.”
- Vanessa McKernan
Do you experiment or take risks in your creative practice?
No probably not.. Experimentation and risk taking aren’t in the forefront of my mind when I work.
I think my practice is more about trying to interpret the deepest most quiet parts of my psyche.
It is more of a turning in or tuning in, both of which feel fairly low risk!
“My practice is more about trying to interpret the deepest most quiet parts of my psyche.”
- Vanessa McKernan
Detail from Dusk , oil on canvas photo credit Lawrence Cook
At what stage of the creative process do you notice your inner critic appears or is the loudest?
There is definitely an arc here. When I start a painting, I feel excited and like the thing is full of possibility. The painting is a mix of washes of color and sketchy lines and its vibrating.
When I am on my second coat of paint making decisions about the composition, my inner critic is loudest and I think pushes me to make some not so great, or maybe not so honest decisions.
Third and fourth coats of paint are usually me destroying the second, contrived composition and then I generally stop working when I feel good about the piece, here the critic is quiet.
Feeling good for me means that the painting is visually interesting and subject wise, retains a kind of mystery—like I don’t have a full understanding of the narrative. Then a couple of weeks or months later, the critic is back and I generally feel like the work is crap.
“I often turn my work to face the wall at this phase, or put it in the closet. LOL. It sounds so harsh but its true.”
- Vanessa McKernan
Vanessa in her studio.
What type of things does your inner critic say to you? What’s the meanest thing your inner critic has ever said to you? How does that affect you in your creative journey?
My inner critic makes very binary, black and white judgements.
Here is a short list:
“That’s too pretty”
“Stop being such a good girl”
“That’s too grotesque”
“This is childish”
“You don’t have a good enough reason to tackle this subject.”
“Can you explain this? If not, don’t paint it.”
That last one is probably the worst because it is the most untrue.
“Experience has taught me that I make the best work when I paint things I have no explanation for.”
- Vanessa McKernan
Death in the Garden , oil on canvas 40” x 60” photo credit Lawrence Cook
What coping mechanisms tools or techniques do you turn to, to help you overcome your inner critic?
I’ll never overcome it. I think my inner critic is a kind of constant companion that I try to accept and integrate.
My response to it goes something like, “Ya maybe you’re right, but I am just going to keep painting regardless.”
I am also not sure I would want to be without some level of an inner critic.
Can you imagine only thinking you were doing well and making great work? Scary.
“It’s probably better to kind of feel like generally you keep missing the mark, because you keep on showing up and trying to improve.”
- Vanessa McKernan
Do dreams play a role in your creativity? Do you keep track of your dreams and have you ever had a dream that impacted your life? Is there a dream or dream image that you can share?
I have a pretty active unconscious and do keep record of my dreams. Some of them have made their way into paintings. I had a recent dream about two birds. One is small and colourful and caught in a kind of bathroom. I am able to get it out and it magically flies through the wall to the outdoors. When I look outside I see a different bird in a large, twisted tree. It is a kind of Crane/ Heron hybrid. It opens its wings to reveal a large black diamond shape in its plumage. I made a drawing of the black bird and might work it into a painting at some point.
What are you working on now, how can people find you?
Right now, I am getting ready for a solo exhibition with Abbozzo Gallery (Toronto) in April.
They recently moved into a beautiful new space in the west end and I very much looking forward to the exhibition.
Dusk, oil on canvas, 72” x 72” photo credit Lawrence Cook